Like as if my life isn't bad enough. Now, the worst situation has really hit upon me. Something worse than me quarrelling with my parents, something worse than me not able to get into my desired JC of four years, something worse than failing an exam in nchs back then, and something far worse than going through a painful period during a breakup. It's something so horrendous and disastrous that I had lost the interest in doing everything, even playing the piano and violin. Seriously, I dun have the slightest idea how I can accept it.
Now, all I have in mind is the uncertainty of my future. I'm really unsure of whether I could still hang on any further. Never would I hurt myself again, because I have come to realise that it's really a childish way of dealing a matter. Never would I make myself drunk again, because when the last time I did, I vomited badly and suffered from an asthma attack. However, there is a thought that has flashed across my mind...
Perhaps if I were to really disappear from this world, my parents would have one less burden. Never would they need to bear my selfishness again. Never would they have to quarrel with me -who in their heart of hearts, is juz a self-centred gal-. Perhaps by then, their world would be really a peaceful paradise.
Death, suicide -how foolish is that-. Even I myself feel so too. However, as I thought through it the of yesterday's night - like as if making a serious decision, or like as if I was studying for an exam- , I feel that it is STILL an idea of solving this tremendous problem. Seriously, my parents would really have lessened a HUGE burden, isn't that GREAT for them? Moreover, that's the only solution I could think of right now. However, to think about it again, I can't do that either. Running away from a problem is nvr what I wanna do. I should face the problem. To add on to this, our life is not truly ours. Life is a gift from God. Taking away our life is juz like turning away from God. Moreover, the word "suicide" can never be found in the bible.
However, how long can I still hang on? This is really the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. In fact, I seriously can't believe it's happening to me. But what if another more disastrous event comes along? I have seriously lost the interest in life. I'm really on the verge of giving up, because by trying harder is only going to make me feel more tired and hurt.
4th mvmt; The Grand Finale
9:32 PM
Forte
*Name: Guyue *Christian name: Cheryl *I'm a christian, & i LOVE MUSIC! *I aim high *in order to do my best. *Im friendly, & love to smile *although I look stern when serious. *Everyone knows I'm a *BIG BLUR QUEEN *but with a mature mindset (Hahs that's what my frens say) *I'm very sensitive in nature *I do treasure all my frens around me *because each and every one of them is like a gift from God. *After exams, i'll lyk to craze with my frens! *Because you only get to live once!
Dolce
*MUSIC
*PLAYING THE PIANO & VIOLIN *BALLET *MY DEAREST & CLOSET FRENS *MY LOVING PARENTS *MY BEETHOVEN DOG THAT I HUG EVERY NIGHT *PREPARING & ATTENDING CONCERTS *FREDERIC CHOPIN *SHOPPING
Crescendo
~Enjoy the most of my life after O level
~Improve on my ballet steps.
~Get distinction for my piano diploma exam. ~& Get distinction for my violin Grade 8 exam too. ~Get desirable results for O level ~Go to esplanade more often! ~Read Princess Diaries ninth edition ~Serve God more devotely ~Stay happy in Temasek JC nxt year ~Hope my close frens can get into TJC with me ~& I really hope my asthma would heal one day! ~Get more frens to watch Talento VI TO BE CONTINUED... WOW! I must be greedy to have so many wishes
