Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm still in a dilemma between choosing biology or physics for my A level subject. Physics have always been my best subject among my three sciences, and my parents both major in physics. But here's the problem, I have no interest in physics at all. All my interest is in biology. Nonetheless, my biology results were inconsistent. Initially, I thought of choosing whichever one that I'll score better in O level. However, I got both A1 for biology and physics in the end. Moreover, I heard biology is the hardest subject among the three sciences in JC, and I'll be taking H3 music, which will already be taking a lot of my time. Argh I'm really in a huge dilemma now. Should I follow my interest and continue to pursue biology, or should I head for the subject I'm better at?

Alright it's getting late. I'll need to prepare for tomorrow's lesson with my piano students. It'll be my last lesson with the kids tomorrow, as sch is reopening very soon. Hope it will also be the most enjoyable one with them. (=


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 10:51 PM


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Love, as complicated as it always is. Frankly speaking, I do wanna know the truth too, about how he feels. But I seriously do not wish to risk our friendship for love. So perhaps, juz let things be as it is right now. It's still too young for us too anyway, as what I personally feel.


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 12:33 AM


Friday, January 23, 2009

Like as if my life isn't bad enough. Now, the worst situation has really hit upon me. Something worse than me quarrelling with my parents, something worse than me not able to get into my desired JC of four years, something worse than failing an exam in nchs back then, and something far worse than going through a painful period during a breakup. It's something so horrendous and disastrous that I had lost the interest in doing everything, even playing the piano and violin. Seriously, I dun have the slightest idea how I can accept it.

Now, all I have in mind is the uncertainty of my future. I'm really unsure of whether I could still hang on any further. Never would I hurt myself again, because I have come to realise that it's really a childish way of dealing a matter. Never would I make myself drunk again, because when the last time I did, I vomited badly and suffered from an asthma attack. However, there is a thought that has flashed across my mind...

Perhaps if I were to really disappear from this world, my parents would have one less burden. Never would they need to bear my selfishness again. Never would they have to quarrel with me -who in their heart of hearts, is juz a self-centred gal-. Perhaps by then, their world would be really a peaceful paradise.

Death, suicide -how foolish is that-. Even I myself feel so too. However, as I thought through it the of yesterday's night - like as if making a serious decision, or like as if I was studying for an exam- , I feel that it is STILL an idea of solving this tremendous problem. Seriously, my parents would really have lessened a HUGE burden, isn't that GREAT for them? Moreover, that's the only solution I could think of right now. However, to think about it again, I can't do that either. Running away from a problem is nvr what I wanna do. I should face the problem. To add on to this, our life is not truly ours. Life is a gift from God. Taking away our life is juz like turning away from God. Moreover, the word "suicide" can never be found in the bible.

However, how long can I still hang on? This is really the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. In fact, I seriously can't believe it's happening to me. But what if another more disastrous event comes along? I have seriously lost the interest in life. I'm really on the verge of giving up, because by trying harder is only going to make me feel more tired and hurt.


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 9:32 PM


Thursday, January 22, 2009

I'm really so tried of trying so hard... I've worked so hard to obtain good results, but ended up not being able to get into the JC i want. I've practiced so hard for my music, but ended not not meeting my expectations and my sight reading is still horrendous. I've tried so hard to be a great child to my parents, but still, in their hearts, I'm nothing but a self-centered kid. In the pri sch days, my results were juz average, but I know nothing about stress. My parents, were immensely dissatisfied with mt performance in sch. Now, my results has shot up to being the 7th in level in NCHS, but I myself had witnessed how much damage stress can do to me myself, but at the same time, I couldn't avoid the pressure. And again, my parents said to me, " So what if your results are good? You are such a self-centered spoilt kid! "

.........

These harsh words were firmly imprinted on my mind. I have tried so hard to make them happy! Never would they know how much effort I've put in. Still, in their heart of hearts, I'm juz a SELF-CENTERED kid!

Sometimes I juz wonder why must we humans try so hard. After all, we juz live on earth for such a short period of time. Not many of us can be like Albert Einstein, Edison or Mozart, who are geniuses and can do wonders to the world.

I'm juz so sick and tired of trying so hard. Perhaps it would be much better to give up everything, including this meaningless life of mine... At least, sleeping in peace would be so much better than working so hard but ending up having all the effort spiralling down the drain....


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 12:15 PM


Monday, January 12, 2009

O level results are finally released. Here are my results - 6 A1s, 2 A2s, 1B3 and 1B4 ( hahs as expected, B4 is my Higher Chinese). Anyway, my points after deduction will be 4 points, which is totally applicable to go to Victoria JC, my dream sch since sec one. Argh what a waste I missed TJC's DSA withdrawal date last year, and have to be posted to TJC now... I'm juz not in the mood to feel happy now, even though my frens said I'm one of the top eleven students and SHOULD be feeling elated. But I juz can't help feeling down. Well, it is true that TJC is a good sch as well, and I should feel happy indeed about my results. I should be contented, and not dwell over things that have already been decided, am I right? But why... I'm juz feeling so disatisfied with myself...

Okay for now, I'll juz try my very best to fully lyk Temasek JC. Have to brainwash myself. By the end of January, I MUST be fully dedicated to TJC and stop thinking about VJC!!


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 6:03 PM


Saturday, January 3, 2009

Welcoming the arrival of 2009 with my warmest heart. I'm sure this year is going to be a great year, I guess. In this new year, there shall be resolutions to make, self improvements to be done, and of course, many brand new things to do and experience.

Of course, not all things can go according to one's will. The very first event that went according to my will is the endless banquets and dinners I'm being FORCED to attend. According to many people's opinion, this may be a good thing - being invited banquets and dinners-. Well, not so when you have endless to attend. But that's not the point. The most crucial point is that I already have some other many more things to be busy with, but have to be forced to attend some dumb banquets and dinners and thus taking away the time for me to complete my own plans. I dun see the point of seating in a resturant and drinking wine with some businessman whom I have no slightest idea who they are ( oh, and I drank more red wine today, of which with a much higher percent than the one I drank the day before. & of course, with my horrible alcoholic skill, I got drunk again and almost vomitted. Alas. That is juz so 'nice'.) I met my grandfather's extreme displeasure when I voiced out that I DO NOT wish to attend another dinner treat tomorrow. Fine, my fault for voicing out, HAPPY?! And there are SO many things I've not done (say, practising the violin) juz because I've wasted so much of my time attending all these. Once you are done with the one today, there's another one the next day. Once you are done with the one for next day, there'll be another one the day after. That's juz........ ENOUGH!

Well, I have to say that that's life. There'll definitely be many obstacles and things going against our will. What we have to do is to learn to adapt, and to overcome the obstacles with a brave heart, and of course, a smart mind. That shall be my new year's resolution. Of course, there are many more others, but this is one of the main ones. Let's all juz hope that 2009 will be better. (=


4th mvmt; The Grand Finale 8:28 PM


Forte
*Name: Guyue
*Christian name: Cheryl
*I'm a christian, & i LOVE MUSIC!
*I aim high
*in order to do my best.
*Im friendly, & love to smile
*although I look stern when serious.
*Everyone knows I'm a
*BIG BLUR QUEEN
*but with a mature mindset
(Hahs that's what my frens say)
*I'm very sensitive in nature
*I do treasure all my frens around me
*because each and every one of them is like a gift from God.
*After exams, i'll lyk to craze with my frens!
*Because you only get to live once!


Dolce

*MUSIC
*PLAYING THE PIANO & VIOLIN
*BALLET
*MY DEAREST & CLOSET FRENS
*MY LOVING PARENTS
*MY BEETHOVEN DOG THAT I HUG EVERY NIGHT
*PREPARING & ATTENDING CONCERTS
*FREDERIC CHOPIN
*SHOPPING


Crescendo
~Enjoy the most of my life after O level
~Improve on my ballet steps.
~Get distinction for my piano diploma exam.
~& Get distinction for my violin Grade 8 exam too.
~Get desirable results for O level
~Go to esplanade more often!
~Read Princess Diaries ninth edition
~Serve God more devotely
~Stay happy in Temasek JC nxt year
~Hope my close frens can get into TJC with me
~& I really hope my asthma would heal one day!
~Get more frens to watch Talento VI
TO BE CONTINUED...
WOW! I must be greedy to have so many wishes



Allegro



SCROLL TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF SCROLLING TO THE BOTTOM >>>>>>>>>>>


Da Capo

ICE ANGEL
XIAXUE
SASSYJAN
BLINKYMUMMY

DAWNYANG
JASMINE
TZUMI
BRENDA

STEF

NOEL

WING

WANXIN

NICHOLAS

FIONA

LISHAN

CREDITS

Andante
ICE ANGEL


Brushes: 1| 2| 3
BaseCodes by !takeaway

MUSIC
Nocturne for piano No. 1 in B flat minor (Murmures de la Seine 1) Op. 9/1, B. 54/1 - Ronan OHora

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